If you’ve been called a “pick me girl,” beware: a “pick me” is a slang term used to insult a woman who is willing to sell out other women—and her own self-respect—in exchange for male attention.
Unsurprisingly, there is not much reward for pick me-ism, except possibly a guest spot on the most misogynistic podcast you’ve ever seen a clip of on TikTok.
Here’s how to identify a “pick me” in the wild—or perhaps in the mirror.
What is a “pick me” girl?
A “pick me” girl has always existed in some form or another, from the Salem Witch Trials to current conservative influencers, they’re just easier to identify now because of social media.
They’re usually heterosexual, looking for love in all the wrong places, or just for lots of male attention and validation. They will let guys walk all over them, bail on plans with their girlfriends as soon as a dude shoots them a “wyd” text, and will pretty much always defend a man in any conflict he has with another woman.
It’s embarrassing to watch from the outside and seemingly compulsive for the pick me herself.
It’s believed that the phrase was birthed by an iconic speech made in Grey’s Anatomy in which Dr. Meredith Grey begs Dr. Derek Shepherd to “pick” her in a romantic moment. That moment apparently reads more as pathetic to young women these days.
“I lied. I’m not out of this relationship. I’m in. I’m so in, it’s humiliating because here I am begging,” she says. “Your choice? It’s simple. Her or me. And I’m sure she’s really great. But Derek, I love you. In a really, really big, pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me.”
A clip of the show was circulated a lot in 2016, when the hashtag #TweetLikeaPickMe went viral.
What are the signs of a pick me girl?
You or someone you know might be a pick me girl if any of the following are true:
They “don’t get along with other girls.”
They’re “just one of the guys.”
They’re always quick to criticize other women in conversation with men.
They insist they like everything that the boy they like likes. Which might be true. But it who has made massive amounts of money and acquired adoesn’t look good.
Here are some more classic convos amongst the pick me set:
What does ‘pick me boy’ mean?
The phrase “pick me boy” is not terribly popular. It is more likely that a guy perceived to be catering to women might be called a “simp.” A simp is a man who seems to dedicate a lot of energy to women who don’t want him.
Pick me girl examples
One of the most well-known “pick me” girls on social media these days is Pearl Davis, who has a massive number of followers on YouTube and TikTok after modeling her opinions off of male talking heads like Ben Shapiro and Andrew Tate.
Pearl is pretty good at saying wildly incendiary stuff, going viral, and making a ton of money off of people hating on her. Which is sort of key to the whole pick me phenomenon; a lot of the most popular pick mes are just grifters.
Women should not vote – Repeal the 19th!!! pic.twitter.com/vAESNg2u9E
— H. Pearl Davis (@pearlythingz) June 28, 2023
It does seem like a lot of people are catching onto this and Pearl has been picked apart on a lot of levels online. Because one thing about Pearl is that she never gets picked. All the men she caters to seem disinterested.
@lifecoachshawn @Owen Nurm explains why despite Pearl saying everything mem want to hear she still won’t get picked. Here’s my theory as well. #pickmewomen #dating #datingtips #datingadvice #relationships #justpearlythings @Shawnda ♬ original sound – Shawnda
A popular take on the pick me girl is that the kind of guys she caters to wants a woman who they change through coercive means. Otherwise, it’s not “fun.”
It’s pretty much never worth it to be a pick me girl. Unless you’re getting a payout.
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