Chapter Text
When it comes to puberty, both muggles and magical users can simultaneously agree that it sucks for all parties no matter the circ*mstances. The embarrassing changes in one’s body are a nightmare some days, while the mood swings can be maddening. Edd’s dad would tell you that muggle puberty didn’t need magic for it to be crap. The bullies, especially, didn’t need it to tear other sad sacks down. Then Edd’s mom would come in and say, “Yeah? Well, we had bullies and boggarts.”
Which is where this fun little chapter will begin.
In the Defense Against the Dark Arts class, third year students would be facing the boggart. Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs huddled together on one side of the classroom while they watched their professor drag a big cupboard out into the center. When fully prepped, they were instructed to form a line.
“Remember, have a clear image in your head when you say ‘Riddikulus’. Ok? You, you’re first. Come on up.” Instructed the Professor.
The experience itself was fun to watch until it was your turn. One minute you’re laughing, the next you’re almost quaking in your spot. Then it’s back to laughter and applause. Before they knew it, it was Matt’s turn.
“Ok Matt, you’ve got this.” Encouraged Edd, Tom added a good luck farther back into the line. Matt nodded before fully looking at the boggart. He could do this. Piece of cake.
Infront of him was a life-sized toy monkey banging two cymbals together, which Matt found kind of cute. Then the large toy transformed into a swirling mess before it turned… into a tall mirror? Everyone looked at the mirror in confusion. How could Matt be afraid of mirrors when he had one on him at all times?
“Oh, well, that isn’t so bad.” Matt smiled as he walked up to it, primping his hair in the process. “This thing sure knows true beauty when it sees – EEEEHH!” Matt let out a shrill scream when seeing not his beautiful self, but his friend Edd’s face instead. Everyone else behind him could see their own reflections just fine but could clearly see how different Matt’s was. Matt jumped out of the mirror’s view before looking back into it hoping to see himself this time. Instead, it was Tord’s face.
He let out another scream before moving away again, then moving back to see Toms face.
He kept repeating the action, each time the mirror reflected someone else.
Their professor’s face, “Gasp!”
Filch’s face, “Oh no!”
His grandmother’s face, “My word!”
Edd’s face again, “The horror!”
The line behind Matt watching this whole fiasco was starting to laugh. Edd stood there completely dumbfounded by his friend’s own narcissism while Tom held his face in his hands silently laughing along with the crowd. At some point, Edd became tired of the chaos before stepping up.
“MATT! Just cast the Riddikulus charm already!”
“You’re right Edd! This is ridiculous!” Matt exclaimed.
“NO! RIDDIKULUS!” Edd emphasized. It took a second before Matt caught on. The ginger took out his wand and pointed it at the mirror, casting the charm which turned the boggart into… another Matt. Boggart Matt started to immediately complement original Matt, which he reciprocated. It was a back and forth of:
I love your hair.
Why thank you. It’s this new shampoo mother bought me.
How did you become so gorgeous?
I was born this way.
Me too!
The teacher finally stepped in after 30 seconds of watching this play out. “All right Mr. Harvest, that’s enough. It’s Mr. Gold’s turn now. Move along, move along.” Matt happily obliged as he moved to the side where the other students who already had their turn were.
Edd stepped forward, audibly gulping with minor worry. The boggart 'Matt' took one look at him before transforming back into the swirling vortex. The swirling stopped as it formed into a single, floating piece of paper. On this paper, to Edd’s horror, read the words:
Coca Cola BANNED Worldwide!!!
“Edd, remember, it’s not real.” Called out Tom.
‘No.’ Edd thought to himself. ‘I refuse to live in a bleak cola-free world!’
Edd took out his wand, aiming it at the banned cola paper. “Riddikulus!” The boggart folded itself into a paper airplane, flying around the room before crumpling itself into a ball and bouncing in place like a basketball.
“Aaawww. It didn’t burst into flames at the end.” Edd said rather dejectedly. After Edd moved aside, the line continued moving forward, until, eventually, it was Tom’s turn.
The brit inched a little closer to the boggart, which now took the shape of an ostrich doing the Macarena. It was eerie the way it stopped and looked at him, almost as if it was sizing him up. When it started swirling, it reminded Tom of a Looney Toons cartoon character going "coo coo".
It was creepy.
He waited for a few seconds with anticipation before it stopped swirling and spinning. Good, it was making him dizzy.
The boggart had turned into a black man.
“Wait, I’m not racist.” Said Tom.
Then it formed an extra set of eyes, its head growing larger, and its clothes changing into something you would see on Star Trek.
“From outer space? That makes no sense!” Exclaimed Tom, his voice starting to crack.
Then the Boggart, shaped as a black man from outer space, held up a Valentines card and balloons.
“What the f*ck?!”
“Language Mr. Reginald!” Warned the teacher.
“But this makes no sense!” Answered Tom.
“You’re the one that doesn’t make any sense! It’s your fear!” Edd joined in. Honestly, he found it funny watching Tom gradually lose his sh*t sometimes. It’s moments like these where he understands why Tord teased their black-eyed friend.
Tom glared at Edd and his sh*t-eating grin before turning back to the boggart in front of him. The thing had sprouted a shadow, similarly, shaped like Tom, which was doing a weird dance. This left Tom almost speechless as he started sputtering nonsense.
From the back he heard, “Uh, Tom?” He turned to see that one of his fellow Hufflepuffs, Maya, was talking to him. “Could it be that you’re, maybe, scared of the unknown?”
He stared at her, before asking, “What?” She went on to explain that maybe Tom was scared of not knowing what possible dangers could happen and not having the control to potentially stop it. She even pointed out how agitated he was becoming the more the boggart changed. This made a lot of sense to Tom as he was figuring out how to use the charm on the creature itself. He thanked his classmate as he turned towards the monster again. This time is wand at the ready.
“Riddikulus!” The creature twisted around before shrinking down into a regular cardboard box.
“A… box?” Questioned Edd.
“Yep! Out of sight, out of mind.” Said Tom quite happily as he marched himself to the side of classroom.
The whole boggart lesson continued all the way to the end of the class period. Each student leaving while knowing their fellow classmates a little better than they did before class started.
Their professor stood alone in the now empty classroom looking quite exhausted and silently grumbling to themselves.
“Teenagers.”
